Sometimes I have to admit that I feel like quite the little man in this great big wide world of ours. For all my intentions and hopes to rise above the mire that is my existence, I am constantly reminded that the limitations of man are placed long before we ever begin the race. Of these obstacles I wish to speak on today.
Of Mice and Men is a book written by John Steinbeck that has a very strong central theme of unrealized dreams, the cold and harsh reality that stifled them and pushed them into the ditch where they are abandoned and left to rot. Certainly many who read this book come away with a sense of sorrow and depression, even if they somehow are able to draw some sort of hope in their interpretation of the material.
But this post is not about the sobriety ultimately placed upon one's soul when confronted with the reflection of their existence. Indeed, my intention is not to even make a sorrowful or sullen bit of writing that echos the sorrows found in this book. Rather, my mind is caught up to a time when what I dreamed was still a dream, and that dream had not yet become a reality.
Quite frankly, I must admit, that I am lover of dreams, and a man without a dream is like a man without his sandwich - he may have things to consume, but it won't be as satisfying. Dreams are the sandwiches of the soul, and without them we are left wanting. Despite the seemingly endless parade of disenchanted fellows who bemoan their woeful state, life isn't as bad as it may seem. What it really is depends much more upon the perspective we take than the actual circumstance.
Allow me to explain a little further what I mean. Clearly it is one thing to say that we reap what we sow, it is entirely another to say we must like what we ignorantly sought. Who in this world can honestly say that, upon starting a new endeavor, actually understood what they wanted from its conclusion? I for one did not know what it truly meant to be graduated and working full-time, nor did I fully grasp what it would be like to become a responsible adult. Yet, after all is said and done, I am these things and it is not what I expected at all. I set out early in my life to be a responsible adult, to make a fair wage and to have money to live a respectable life. My dreams were laid before me, wrought with the fervor and care of one who thought he understood what he was preparing for. I saw, I came, and I conquered.
And what did my victory do for me? Of what reward have I to speak now that I have accomplished my aims? Truthfully I cannot state that I have much of anything to show. Perhaps I can point now to the free-time I have to explore my interests, or to impart good unto my fellow man. Perhaps I can say that I now can contribute more fully to a society that has helped bring me to this point, and hopefully in so doing help another to achieve the liberty I have gained. Or maybe I can say that I have a piece of paper that designates I have learned enough to do tasks above menial labor jobs.
But are these the things I thought I would achieve? Yes, and with confidence I state that it is everything I wanted. So why the almost sullen opening to this post? Why bother speaking of obstacles when I have already achieved my dreams (well, at least this dream in particular)?
The reason is simple really, and it is akin to the winner's curse. It would appear that man, upon achieving their designs, ultimately struggle with the fruit of their labors. How many times have you finally gotten that thing you wanted and then shortly thereafter tossed it aside out of boredom? It is like so many little children on the day after Christmas who put away the shiny new toy away for the last time because they are already bored. The anticipation was high all year for that new toy, and once gained the magic was gone.
We are limited by our own perception of achievement. The placement of goals and milestones in our lives has ultimately led us to constantly desire, nay, to yearn for that something greater, that un-achievable end. Hardly are we content to spend our lives learning to enjoy it, rather choosing to spend it learning to improve it. Our limitations are laid before us before we ever begin simply because we have not yet learned how to handle victory.
I feel small in this world because I look around and see how little I have achieved compared to my neighbor. At 26 years of age should I not by now have at least produced some sort of notable marker of success? Sure, I have a master's degree, but what is that more than just a piece of paper signifying my willingness to spend money to learn? It is times like these that I realize I was doomed from the beginning to fail at my dreams because I did not understand that the dream itself was not the end. The end must always be more than the means, no matter how I arrive.
With the example of my degree, what is the end I sought to achieve? Financial independence? Security from economic woes? Reputability in my opinions? All of these are true, and yet now that I have them I realized that none of them are as satisfying as I had hoped they would be. I received the wimpy salad over the hearty sandwich. I was left disillusioned for so long that these things did not bring me the satisfaction I thought they would. A piece of paper never seemed so flimsy in my life.
But upon further reflection I realized that I was not disappointed that my spoils were lacking, but rather I was not happy that they didn't live up to the expectations. I wanted more, I wanted that great achievement I saw others had done. I felt like a failure only because I could not be content with what I had achieved, and yet what I had achieved was still great.
Of Mice and Men is filled with characters who mourn the loss of their unrealized dreams and potential, a tragedy we are all too familiar with. But is it a tragedy because the dream was unrealized, or is it a tragedy because they didn't realize that what they had was worthy of their dreams?
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
How To Connect to an Amazon EC2 Server
This article has been moved to my new tutorials blog (found at http://marcphillipstutorials.blogspot.com/2013/07/how-to-connect-to-amazon-ec2-server.html). Take some time and look around!
Tutorials Done My Way
I have created a new blog! Find it at http://marcphillipstutorials.blogspot.com/. It covers all the technology tutorials and other goodies that I had originally placed here.
How to Mount an Amazon S3 Bucket to a Ubuntu Linux File System
This post has been moved to my new tutorials blog (found at http://marcphillipstutorials.blogspot.com/2013/07/how-to-mount-amazon-s3-bucket-to-ubuntu.html). Take some time to look around!
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Importance of Timing on Earth
The following is an excerpt between my roommate Jake and I while sitting in church. The speaker made reference to an oft quoted saying that our generation has been saved for this time on Earth, alluding to the idea that our generation of souls is somehow more special then others. Our question and response is as follows (slightly edited for clarity):
Me: Has everyone who has ever lived been foreordained to come to Earth when they do?
Jake: So you are asking if everyone was sent at a set time for a specific purpose, are we really special?
Me: Correct. Personally, I don't think so. I feel it is rhetoric by some members of the church to make us feel better about living in such a time. But, for the sake of argument, let's suppose these people are correct. Does God then send a person to Earth at a specific time to do a specific work?
Jake: Yes. We have the examples of Joseph Smith, Jesus Christ, Moses, etc. They were sent at specific times to do a specific work. However, it is hard to see in such a seemingly non-consequential lives as ours such a thing happening. Just like a mission, I think that wherever or whenever you go, you can have a good experience. Some places and times just maybe are more beneficial than others.
Me: So you suppose all man has a reason for being here at their given time? Or is it just a crap-shoot for most when they arrive?
Jake: A specific reason? No. Not all men are sent for specific reasons. However, I would like to believe God sent us at times and to places that are most beneficial for us and mankind.
Me: So God is a consequentialist? Interesting. So essentially only a few individuals are foreordained for specific time periods to influence the whole of humanity? And the rest were sent at their time because they were best suited for that time?
Jake: That is correct.
Me: So these people were foreordained to do something in this time, but only because they fit it well? Is it then true that the marginal benefit of their placement on the Earth greater than anyone else? Or such that their marginal benefit is most in that position given that someone better went somewhere else because they had a higher marginal return? This keeps with the idea that God is a consequentialist.
Jake: Most of us could have been plugged in at any other time and done the duty necessary. We don't believe in a soulmate, but we do believe that many people would fit as a spouse for anyone person. I don't see why it would be any different for our placement on earth. In regards to the marginal benefit, I don't know, but I feel it varies from person to person.
Me: I agree, humanity is ultimately variable. So is there not a "hardest" time or a "most valiant" generation?
Jake: I believe that there is not.
Me: Do you then also believe that humanity falls into wickedness so easily because the majority of us are wicked? Or does God send people down into pockets where the disposition of the majority causes them to fall into wickedness? Is there a lack of valiant people there for a reason? Is God placing these people there because they were the least likely to succeed anyways, thus most beneficial to get them out of the way?
Jake: There is a lack of valiant people for a reason, but not because God made it that way. He works the best with the constraints he has (our own valiancy). I don't like to believe though that God packages the less valiant people together in certain times; however, it's somewhat hard to deny given historical precedence of apostasy, or even the groups of people who blatantly turned from God found in the scriptures. Why did those exist if not for the planned placement of souls?
Me: Exactly my thoughts. Now, if God plans the placements of souls in such a way, is He doing it to spare the righteous and to condemn the wicked? I think not, for that would imply a partial God, one who places some of His children in a no-win situation. I believe God doesn't actually put pockets of wicked souls on the earth, but rather allows like-minded souls to gather and then to propagate their wickedness. Do the children of these wicked men receive the same condemnation as the parents merely because they were taught to live that way? How much of our own wickedness is from our personal choices and how much comes from our upbringing?
Jake: So are you implying that possibly we chose to come down at a certain time with souls we associated with? You've tapped into the nature vs. nurture debate. I believe some comes from nature and some from nurture, but I don't dare attempt to define in what proportions. On an earlier question, if God does plan the placement of souls, maybe it's not to condemn the wicked but rather to spare them. Are they not better off sinning due to lack of knowledge and prophetic guidance than with it?
Me: That was what I was attempting to get at with my last question. If a wicked person sins in darkness of truth, how much is it accounted against him? Can/will the atonement bridge the gap of knowledge and light they have received to allow that weak/wicked soul a chance at full redemption?
Jake: If a wicked person sins in darkness of truth, they can't be held quite as accountable. I understand why certain information is withheld, but completely shunning someone from any gospel truth to merely lessen their punishment when they would have been more guilty if they had an "equal" right to knowledge as anyone else seems to be artificially inflating salvation. You can't deny that everyone is not given an equal chance in this life. That is because the Spirit World is in place to give everyone an overall equal chance. But couldn't this have been averted if everyone was given an equal chance in this life (not considering the fact that we are given resurrection)?
Me: Ignoring the fact that you are attributing something to the Spirit World that doesn't make sense in this context, you are essentially saying that everyone is given an equal chance to sin as all others, and, by extension, an equal chance to do good? By this logic, every destitute, poor, and starving person should behave like Valjean if they are to be saved.
Jake: In the grand scheme of things everyone is on equal footing, but not in this life.
Me: If this life is inherently unfair, then would God placing the weak in hard, unfair places to protect them against the full extent of the law really inflating salvation, or is it wisdom in God to maximize the number of souls who will return to Him?
Me: Has everyone who has ever lived been foreordained to come to Earth when they do?
Jake: So you are asking if everyone was sent at a set time for a specific purpose, are we really special?
Me: Correct. Personally, I don't think so. I feel it is rhetoric by some members of the church to make us feel better about living in such a time. But, for the sake of argument, let's suppose these people are correct. Does God then send a person to Earth at a specific time to do a specific work?
Jake: Yes. We have the examples of Joseph Smith, Jesus Christ, Moses, etc. They were sent at specific times to do a specific work. However, it is hard to see in such a seemingly non-consequential lives as ours such a thing happening. Just like a mission, I think that wherever or whenever you go, you can have a good experience. Some places and times just maybe are more beneficial than others.
Me: So you suppose all man has a reason for being here at their given time? Or is it just a crap-shoot for most when they arrive?
Jake: A specific reason? No. Not all men are sent for specific reasons. However, I would like to believe God sent us at times and to places that are most beneficial for us and mankind.
Me: So God is a consequentialist? Interesting. So essentially only a few individuals are foreordained for specific time periods to influence the whole of humanity? And the rest were sent at their time because they were best suited for that time?
Jake: That is correct.
Me: So these people were foreordained to do something in this time, but only because they fit it well? Is it then true that the marginal benefit of their placement on the Earth greater than anyone else? Or such that their marginal benefit is most in that position given that someone better went somewhere else because they had a higher marginal return? This keeps with the idea that God is a consequentialist.
Jake: Most of us could have been plugged in at any other time and done the duty necessary. We don't believe in a soulmate, but we do believe that many people would fit as a spouse for anyone person. I don't see why it would be any different for our placement on earth. In regards to the marginal benefit, I don't know, but I feel it varies from person to person.
Me: I agree, humanity is ultimately variable. So is there not a "hardest" time or a "most valiant" generation?
Jake: I believe that there is not.
Me: Do you then also believe that humanity falls into wickedness so easily because the majority of us are wicked? Or does God send people down into pockets where the disposition of the majority causes them to fall into wickedness? Is there a lack of valiant people there for a reason? Is God placing these people there because they were the least likely to succeed anyways, thus most beneficial to get them out of the way?
Jake: There is a lack of valiant people for a reason, but not because God made it that way. He works the best with the constraints he has (our own valiancy). I don't like to believe though that God packages the less valiant people together in certain times; however, it's somewhat hard to deny given historical precedence of apostasy, or even the groups of people who blatantly turned from God found in the scriptures. Why did those exist if not for the planned placement of souls?
Me: Exactly my thoughts. Now, if God plans the placements of souls in such a way, is He doing it to spare the righteous and to condemn the wicked? I think not, for that would imply a partial God, one who places some of His children in a no-win situation. I believe God doesn't actually put pockets of wicked souls on the earth, but rather allows like-minded souls to gather and then to propagate their wickedness. Do the children of these wicked men receive the same condemnation as the parents merely because they were taught to live that way? How much of our own wickedness is from our personal choices and how much comes from our upbringing?
Jake: So are you implying that possibly we chose to come down at a certain time with souls we associated with? You've tapped into the nature vs. nurture debate. I believe some comes from nature and some from nurture, but I don't dare attempt to define in what proportions. On an earlier question, if God does plan the placement of souls, maybe it's not to condemn the wicked but rather to spare them. Are they not better off sinning due to lack of knowledge and prophetic guidance than with it?
Me: That was what I was attempting to get at with my last question. If a wicked person sins in darkness of truth, how much is it accounted against him? Can/will the atonement bridge the gap of knowledge and light they have received to allow that weak/wicked soul a chance at full redemption?
Jake: If a wicked person sins in darkness of truth, they can't be held quite as accountable. I understand why certain information is withheld, but completely shunning someone from any gospel truth to merely lessen their punishment when they would have been more guilty if they had an "equal" right to knowledge as anyone else seems to be artificially inflating salvation. You can't deny that everyone is not given an equal chance in this life. That is because the Spirit World is in place to give everyone an overall equal chance. But couldn't this have been averted if everyone was given an equal chance in this life (not considering the fact that we are given resurrection)?
Me: Ignoring the fact that you are attributing something to the Spirit World that doesn't make sense in this context, you are essentially saying that everyone is given an equal chance to sin as all others, and, by extension, an equal chance to do good? By this logic, every destitute, poor, and starving person should behave like Valjean if they are to be saved.
Jake: In the grand scheme of things everyone is on equal footing, but not in this life.
Me: If this life is inherently unfair, then would God placing the weak in hard, unfair places to protect them against the full extent of the law really inflating salvation, or is it wisdom in God to maximize the number of souls who will return to Him?
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Laughably Ignorant
Of the many things that I do not know, there aren't many that I am willing to admit that do not deal with relationships, women, or Pinterest. But there is one topic that I am most certainly among the most ignorant and uncultured human being to have appreciated its majesty in the past several millennia, and that is the unfathomable realm of dancing. Despite my ersthwile slender physique and refined gait, I have not yet captured or even begun to grasp the intricacies of this discipline.
Last night was the quintessential moment of my education in what I do not know. My dear friend Heidi is a member of the BYU Contemporary Dance Theater, and they had a performance that I attended with some mutual friends. Hours of practice and work had been poured into this performance, and the energy in the room was palatable as we took our seats in the second row of the theater. From this angle we could literally see up their noses (and we were close enough to actually do so had the desire lighted upon us). A small blues band on stage played some dulcet tones as we waited for the dancing to begin.
What I beheld over the next hour and a half is still much a blur to me. I remember lots of hands in the air, many a kick and a twirl, and a lot of exuberant smiles. At one point the dancers were acrobats, leaping and vaulting over bars, running down and around the aisles, twirling into the arms of other acrobats, and sliding gracefully from mark to mark. Transitional pieces included a wonderful animated short that captured the spirit of the art, creating a majestic hybrid of forms that rarely is seen in today's cinemas. The culmination of all the thematic expressions was summed nicely in the last number, which dance featured a delightful performance by Heidi, a treat that I did not expect.
Overall the details of the dance do not stick with me as I move away from the event. What really sticks with me is the feeling I had whilst watching the mesmerizing movements of so many slender and elegant forms parade around in unison on the stage. Feelings of remorse, joy, loss, and redemption somehow, inexplicably, crept into my mind as I took in the action. Though I have been told countless times that art has the power to move the deepest hollows of the soul, I was not prepared for those movements to take shape in my conscious mind. Indeed, it didn't even occur to me that I could actually come to embrace an idea through dance, as though each step reverberated with the truth of a thousand words.
What power does this thing called dancing hold? How was it able to actually make me consider the themes that ran so powerfully throughout the choreography, existing in the ethereal realms of communication that I am so woefully inept at accessing? Through what unguarded hole did these impressions creep, for I truly did not know that the dancing before me was actually founded upon these themes, embracing them at the very core of their motion.
To me the beauty of dance is ultimately twofold. It is at once so incredibly beyond my grasp and comprehension that I do not understand even the basics of how it is done. But on another, much more deep-seated level lies what I think attracts all mankind to this form of expression, and that is the ability to speak without vocalizing. Language is, at its best, a clunky medium through which the base emotions and desires are expressed. Then comes the non-verbal cues of speech that help fill in the gaps left by our inadequate words. And then there is dance, that full-bodied correspondence of the soul that leaves both parties with a sense of something expressed that runs deep within the veins of our existence.
Dance is, and always has been, and always will be, the elucidation of our individuality within our commonality. It is universally understood, and yet deeply unique in the individual who expresses, and individually powerful to the spirit who receives.
Last night was the quintessential moment of my education in what I do not know. My dear friend Heidi is a member of the BYU Contemporary Dance Theater, and they had a performance that I attended with some mutual friends. Hours of practice and work had been poured into this performance, and the energy in the room was palatable as we took our seats in the second row of the theater. From this angle we could literally see up their noses (and we were close enough to actually do so had the desire lighted upon us). A small blues band on stage played some dulcet tones as we waited for the dancing to begin.
What I beheld over the next hour and a half is still much a blur to me. I remember lots of hands in the air, many a kick and a twirl, and a lot of exuberant smiles. At one point the dancers were acrobats, leaping and vaulting over bars, running down and around the aisles, twirling into the arms of other acrobats, and sliding gracefully from mark to mark. Transitional pieces included a wonderful animated short that captured the spirit of the art, creating a majestic hybrid of forms that rarely is seen in today's cinemas. The culmination of all the thematic expressions was summed nicely in the last number, which dance featured a delightful performance by Heidi, a treat that I did not expect.
Overall the details of the dance do not stick with me as I move away from the event. What really sticks with me is the feeling I had whilst watching the mesmerizing movements of so many slender and elegant forms parade around in unison on the stage. Feelings of remorse, joy, loss, and redemption somehow, inexplicably, crept into my mind as I took in the action. Though I have been told countless times that art has the power to move the deepest hollows of the soul, I was not prepared for those movements to take shape in my conscious mind. Indeed, it didn't even occur to me that I could actually come to embrace an idea through dance, as though each step reverberated with the truth of a thousand words.
What power does this thing called dancing hold? How was it able to actually make me consider the themes that ran so powerfully throughout the choreography, existing in the ethereal realms of communication that I am so woefully inept at accessing? Through what unguarded hole did these impressions creep, for I truly did not know that the dancing before me was actually founded upon these themes, embracing them at the very core of their motion.
To me the beauty of dance is ultimately twofold. It is at once so incredibly beyond my grasp and comprehension that I do not understand even the basics of how it is done. But on another, much more deep-seated level lies what I think attracts all mankind to this form of expression, and that is the ability to speak without vocalizing. Language is, at its best, a clunky medium through which the base emotions and desires are expressed. Then comes the non-verbal cues of speech that help fill in the gaps left by our inadequate words. And then there is dance, that full-bodied correspondence of the soul that leaves both parties with a sense of something expressed that runs deep within the veins of our existence.
Dance is, and always has been, and always will be, the elucidation of our individuality within our commonality. It is universally understood, and yet deeply unique in the individual who expresses, and individually powerful to the spirit who receives.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
26 Birthdays
I wanted to write something at the beginning of my "Golden Birthday" in commemoration of the event. It is not that the "Golden Birthday" is special, but it is a fun idea that I would like to observe. Like so many other great nothings in our lives, the "Golden Birthday" gives us more cause to celebrate than we normally ought. Yet, in some way, is it not essential to the proper welfare of humanity that we create more jubilee than is necessary? Perhaps it is not so dramatic as that, but we can pretend anyways.
Now that I have reached this "Golden Birthday" of mine, I am not so sure that I am happy to have reached it. You see, with a title like "Golden Birthday" you really can't get much better going forward. Sure, we could come up with some more excuses to slather on additional celebration by saying that the square of the "Golden Birthday" be called the "Platinum Birthday", and in so doing we must celebrate to the fourth power of awesome. Perhaps we could say that the year our birthday causes us to turn a prime number could be called the "Prime Birthday" and to celebrate we eat an undivided pizza by ourselves. Or we could even celebrate our 31 birthday and call it the "Pi Birthday" where you must eat an entire pie. The possibilities are endless. Nevertheless, we do not have such traditions in our culture.
Although I have always wanted to start a major cultural trend, I do not think I shall succeed with this cause. Therefore, I relinquish myself to the fate that awaits, and shall grasp this resplendent year of mine by the ephemeral horns of its existence. Indeed, that I should do anything less then wonderful would be a crying shame, a most mournful waste of perfectly good potential. This day shall be - wait for it - legend - wait for it - dary!
So how will I start my day? It has already stared. First, I shall sleep until I wake up, which shall be followed by a rather vigorous yawn that will signal me rolling over and falling back to sleep. Upon waking the second time I will likely take some sort of cleansing routine, be it a shower or a bubble bath. Accordingly, I shall fall asleep in said routine for approximately four minutes. Afterwards I shall sally-forth to Tucanos, whereupon copious amounts of red meat and fried bananas will be consumed. From there I will fall into a splendid food coma, such an one that man has never seen before. It all gets sort of hazy from there...
What good is there in a "Golden Birthday?" I can't really say, but I do know that I really look forward to eating a small coop of chicken hearts and a few bundles worth of fried bananas. And, with luck, I will finally come to appreciate the fact that I have more Golden years ahead of me than I am leaving behind.
Now that I have reached this "Golden Birthday" of mine, I am not so sure that I am happy to have reached it. You see, with a title like "Golden Birthday" you really can't get much better going forward. Sure, we could come up with some more excuses to slather on additional celebration by saying that the square of the "Golden Birthday" be called the "Platinum Birthday", and in so doing we must celebrate to the fourth power of awesome. Perhaps we could say that the year our birthday causes us to turn a prime number could be called the "Prime Birthday" and to celebrate we eat an undivided pizza by ourselves. Or we could even celebrate our 31 birthday and call it the "Pi Birthday" where you must eat an entire pie. The possibilities are endless. Nevertheless, we do not have such traditions in our culture.
Although I have always wanted to start a major cultural trend, I do not think I shall succeed with this cause. Therefore, I relinquish myself to the fate that awaits, and shall grasp this resplendent year of mine by the ephemeral horns of its existence. Indeed, that I should do anything less then wonderful would be a crying shame, a most mournful waste of perfectly good potential. This day shall be - wait for it - legend - wait for it - dary!
So how will I start my day? It has already stared. First, I shall sleep until I wake up, which shall be followed by a rather vigorous yawn that will signal me rolling over and falling back to sleep. Upon waking the second time I will likely take some sort of cleansing routine, be it a shower or a bubble bath. Accordingly, I shall fall asleep in said routine for approximately four minutes. Afterwards I shall sally-forth to Tucanos, whereupon copious amounts of red meat and fried bananas will be consumed. From there I will fall into a splendid food coma, such an one that man has never seen before. It all gets sort of hazy from there...
What good is there in a "Golden Birthday?" I can't really say, but I do know that I really look forward to eating a small coop of chicken hearts and a few bundles worth of fried bananas. And, with luck, I will finally come to appreciate the fact that I have more Golden years ahead of me than I am leaving behind.
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